Horoscopes

Jessica Adamson and Tom Gazzard

 

Aries

Lucky Constellation: Andromeda

Lucky Time: 8:19

Summer after high school when we first met. We make out in your Mustang to Radio head. And on my 18th birthday we got that chain tattoos.

 

Cancer

Lucky Constellation: Cassiopeia

Lucky Time: 10:54

An apple never falls far from the tree EXCEPT when it’s hurricane season. There’s
a chance you can change! Start something new!

 

Gemini

Lucky Constellation: Lyra

Lucky Time: 3:46

Go get ’em tiger! They certainly aren’t coming to you. If you try hard enough this
month, you will fall in love.

 

Taurus

Lucky Constellation: Orion

Lucky Time: 1:27

Go give Tom Gazzard a hug, he needs the love <3 (647)-330-3097

 

Leo

Lucky Constellation: Pyxis

Lucky Time: 7:29

Play the field and live the dream but don’t forget your sunscreen out there in the
field… nothing worse than a bad burn

 

Virgo

Lucky Constellation: Vela

Lucky Time: 8:15

You have two pairs of pants that look absolutely horrible on you in your closet
right now. Throw them out. Just throw them out.

 

Libra

Lucky Constellation: Norma

Lucky Time: 12:34

View mayonnaise with an incredibly critical eye today. Consider yourself warned.

 

Scorpio

Lucky Constellation: Hydra

Lucky Time: 11:59

Time to stop beating around the bush. Beat the bush itself. Give it a good
thrashing, and say “bad bush!” in a loud stern tone.

 

Sagittarius

Lucky Constellation: Pegasus

Lucky Time: 7:11

It’s a good week to greet everyone with great enthusiasm. For example, “Bob!
You’re still alive!” (Everyone likes to feel appreciated.)

 

Capricorn

Lucky Constellation: Ursa Major

Lucky Time: 9:25

Today you will find a really big piece of lint in your pocket. That’s it, though, for
today’s excitement. Better Luck tomorrow!

 

Aquarius

Lucky Constellation: Ursa Minor

Lucky Time: 9:05

Speak slowly and you will be heard. People will think you’re being a dick, but people
will definitely understand you.

 

Pisces

Lucky Constellation: Canis Major

Lucky Time: 5:51

The good and the great come together today and miss you entirely during all their
endeavours. Which is a bit sad, really.