5. Timeline

Sabina Wex


In the background, you see a super awkward cover photo,
where you can’t actually see the full picture, but only your mouth. There are
some small boxes over the cover photo, including your profile picture, which is
tiny, making it completely pointless, since your profile picture is supposedly
a representation of yourself. This is the Facebook timeline. Zuckeberg’s newest
set-up is meant to make stalking easier, as you can go back further into
someone’s Facebook presence. I know the whole point of the infamous FB is to
peek into the private lives of mere acquaintances, but please tell me why it’s
necessary to go all the way back to see their grade 7 rendition of the Crank
Dat dance in an ill-fitting dress at multiple bar/bat mitzvahs. Not only is it
embarrassing for you because everyone can see all of your awkward brace-face
moments, but it’s also really bad for getting a job. Since the majority of
employers nowadays do check their potential employees’ online presence, they
could come by that grade 9 after party photo where you’re half-naked with some
unknown senior student standing a little bit too close. Unless you’re applying
for a job at a strip club, I don’t think that this is particularly appealing to
employers. Despite all the embarrassing photos and wall posts that are now out
in the open, timeline just overall sucks. It’s supposedly more organized, yet
it doesn’t make any sense because it switches from side to side, and every post
is a different size, so you can’t actually navigate your way through to find
those wild night photos. I am faithful to my current set-up and refuse to
change it until absolutely necessary. (Does anyone else get those messages that
pop up and tell you that everyone’s profiles are switching to timeline soon?) Don’t
give into Facebook’s pressure to get timeline—just say no!